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Play into my Soul

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I guess you have no choice but to lie in bed thinking about love and there is no way of
Avoiding it..
Especially when ya heart decides to contact your mind without any prior notice.
And these headphones in my ears couldn’t play music to take my mind of this.
Because all the sounds and vocals, even rap lyrics all bring up a moment in my life that pertain to you.
And these poems I write have no other choice but to be about you.
And my words loving you is all they really wanted to do.
I wish my creativity could reflect another topic or a moment in my life when everything seemed to mean something.
But that probably won’t happen because Love was something that I thought would make me happy, But since it didn’t last, my heart refuses to be left broken. So I will continue to play these soulful tracks until my heart decides it’s ready to love again and I will continue writing these poems until my words finally want to express my feelings for another man.
Play on music because your playing right into my soul, which guided my pen to write my thoughts better than they ever did before…..

I Can’t Stand You

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Social Networking all I have to say to you
During this rough time in my life about
85 percent of the time I can’t stand you
For the reason that
I think you were personally made to set me up
to constantly go through my mental roller deck and
want to deck every memory that I ever shared with him
And I cant push all the blame on you because I added to it
By making the biggest mistake
posting past moments together and informing others that I am now taken
and I despise going down my old twitter feeds, because back then I wish I had an awaken
So for quite some time I excused my timelines and newfeeds
Because there was no way I wanted to scroll down my screen
in my deplorable and miserable state
And see pictures and words from you that pertain to what we use to be
now on instagram the only place I thought we were detached
But you always find back, in my life you find your way to latch
Even if that means making it you priority to follow every last one of my closest friends
Then you make sure you like every photo that I appear in
Then occasionally like a photo of mine to reassure me that I may no longer be personable in your life
but I for damn sure going to remind you that I exist in your life
Once you see this notification for this like
Hoping in return I will finally decide to follow you back, it’s not happening
Mainly because I can no longer stand your face, and in scrolling down my Instargram
I can’t even imagine seeing a happy photo of someone that has shattered my heart in ways that I can’t seem to put back in place
When trying to escape you from instagram I make my way to facebook in hope that I can have some clarity there because your deactivated
But after some time not speaking your activated,
after a couple minutes discovering I’m also on facebook,
you suddenly write positive quotes, right after I would post,
to indirectly convince me that you have moved on, but its actually saying that
I finally decided to un-deactive my facebook and I’m going to continue to write meaningless quotes until you noticed I’m on
And if that doesn’t work, your facebook is asking you what’s on your mind, so you decide to be that guy and post an update to your status
with the lyrics to my favorite song
Why do you find ways to emotionally drag me along?
Especially when you send messages describing how much you love me then
Blaming it on the fact that you are not connected to with natural self,
In other words, you chose to make excuses, and blame it on the alcohol that you say you’re abusing
When we both know at that moment, alcohol was not what you were using
You’re just making excuses to quickly cover up those three words, that soberly you’re not man enough to speak of
so I can find myself, tossing over and turning all night over your so called “drunk text” wondering if it any truth to it
And I fight myself so much I excuse it
When going through what feels like a breakup, I cant help but be socially drained.
Because I hate to log on and see your name
and be updated on how you are happy (happy) without me today
Or how a trip we planned on taken was experienced with another
And you even had the opportunity to visually display how much fun you both had together
I can’t stand you social networking, because every time I see your name on my display
My heart can never bare it all and just runs awaken
Or how you find ways to hang out with my best friend
When we both know you’re doing it because that is the only way you can receive updates on how I have been
or when social networking isn’t enough and you just happen to appear in the same place that I am in
And many times I have thought about
un-commencing our friendship like it never had a start
and in reality I rather not look at your face
because everything inside of me would reminisce back to when we were in that place
and sometimes participating in the same networks as you
never prepares me for when I have to look at you in the face
so I will continue to ignore facebook messages
instagram likes and act like I didn’t see tweets about you about
how you saw me from a face and I looked nice today
because I will never be able to believe in any word that you say
especially when you are only able you express how you feel
when it is delivered as a notification on my iphone display

He’s Gone Forever

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I lost you quicker

A lot faster than I thought you were going to go

Thoughts are not even allowed to linger

and body no longer will experience a tingle

every time you come near, because now you’re gone like the sun going away after the day ends

but the only difference is, you are not coming back again

Gone forever maybe to find out who we really are

without each other

gone forever

and no longer can I ask were are we and where have we gone

because we lost each other during that week

and there is no use in looking for each other because we disappeared and neither of us were meant to be seeked

but the smell of you still lives here and it sensitive to nose

you are gone forever but when your scent travels past my nose

I get this tendency to turn around in hope that you might possibly appear once more

like a car traveling down a one way road,  there’s no way of squeezing another car in for two

he is gone forever

and I did not make you love me, you just did

now he is gone forever, but where does love go when what we had ends

does love keep running until it is all out, or does it just get buried inside of us

until our futures allow us to meet back up

I don’t know if I no longer anticipate seeing your name call my phone

or making sure you are the last face I see before my eyes rest for awhile

he is gone forever

so I anticipate a new beginning and the blurry vision of a man who will one day be the first face I see when I wake up in the morning

already looking back at me

because he did not want to miss awakening of his future

 

he is gone forever

and maybe that’s why I do not try to think about that as much

and I do not know if it is possible to feel that way again for another. but I am hoping I can

he is gone forever

and I never wanted happily ever after

because that would mean that one day we would eventually end

and that is what exactly happened to us

you are gone from me for ever

and I wished before that I could be all… for you

but he is gone forever and I am nothing at all to you

we are gone forever

and it might not be possible to start new

Sorriest Sorry

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Today I thought about, way more than a brief second. Probably for about 5 minutes. Those minutes were long, long enough for me to think about every song we listened to with each other, every late night we ever spent together, and ever conversation we held between  each other. I did not plan on thinking about you, it somehow entered my mind. I find no matter how hard I tried, once my mind focuses and clears, you always find a way to reappear. I thought I was over, I thought I was starting new. So I was hoping the reason for my mind hoarding thoughts about you is only because that is its way of disposing you. I haven’t had the heart of saying out loud that I am totally through. For the reason that I believe in speaking things into existence and I still have hope that our time isn’t past due. In those seconds I felt every sensation, that I shared with you, whether its soft and warm because of the way you smiled, or your hands griping my forearm, while I set a fire inside because you said this would be the last time you would ever have to apologize. So I am saying my sorriest sorry because we always discussed that we would always share our feelings for each other, but now we do not talk to one another. But I am thinking about you, All the lies you told when I only ask for your truth, and all those words you spoke to me that feel like irritated gun shot wounds. I am still thinking about you, probably way more than I should. But it’s my mind telling me that you are possibly good or possibly bad you are for me, and these feelings I have for you are just misunderstood. Time will tell but I apologize to you because I thought about you once more and you don’t know. But I have this feeling that you’re feeling something when you enter my mind. So I apologize because we always said we would tell each other out loud. I’m Sorry because your thinking about me now, I can feel it.

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Confession:

I wish I had my mind made up
But there were so many reasons even sensations
This I needed to give you recognition
keep from being bottled inside and release this feeling that pushed this very inclination
that told me it had to come out and whatever that I felt was calling and say it to you myself
And what I need to say was taking baby steps from my lips to your ears so that you can hear for yourself

Confession:
This will be my last and only day being rejected

I do not understand why I can’t keep this captive
In my heart, so you never have to know
locked up, under security watch, no release, and never have to worry about feeling becoming active
Keep them in my head and hopefully some other way you will eventually be able to know

Confession:
This will be my last and only day being rejected

I finally took the time and counted
what could be worse …you taking this chance or me left and being rejected
I never know until i try
so words slip through lips that chose words carefully to say
The words were spoken and all I want to do is hide or leave with a rushed goodbye
I hope for a good response, as I sit back waiting for you with a relieved…sigh

Confession:
This will be my last and only day being rejected

What I feared the most hit me..and I was declined
And I wish the rush of me ever telling you this was gone
because I did not prepare myself to hear words that came close to No
I thought I was being brave and I was looking forward to a mutual response that I could set in stone

Confession:
This will be my last and only day being rejected

And now I just want to remove myself from any other inklings
because I went with this one and was denied your hearts entree
Even though you did not intend to deny me or hurt me
but rejection still hurts when your denied what you want so dearly

Confession:
This will be my last and only day being rejected

But I am going to take this in a way that is nothing more or less
because If I did not take this chance how would I ever be able to speak what was needed to be expressed
You were kind and I will not object that
There could always be something else down the line

Confession:
This will be my last and only day being rejected

So i take this as a lesson
but I will never forget that rejection is like a mission
set my self up before I throw myself in a life changing experiences
rejection does not feel so good
But I know in my heart now that I am a better person for giving this a heart felt try

Play it into my Soul

Posted on

I guess you have no choice but to lie in bed thinking about love and there is no
way of
Avoiding it.
Especially when ya heart decides to contact your mind
without any prior notice.
And these headphones on my ears couldn’t play music
to take my mind of this.
Because all the sounds and vocals, even rap lyrics
all bring up a moment in my life that pertain to you.
And these poems I
write have no other choice but to be about you. Other memories never make it
into my minds view.
And my words loving you is all they really wanted to do.

I wish my creativity could reflect another topic or a moment in my life when
everything seemed to mean something.
But that probably won’t happen because
Love was something that I thought would make me happy, But since it didn’t last,
my heart refuses to be left broken. So I will continue to play these soulful
tracks until my heart decides it’s ready to love again and I will continue
writing these poems until my words finally want to express my feelings for
another man.
Play on music because your playing into my soul, which guided
my pen to write my thoughts better than they ever did before…..

Maybe

Video Posted on Updated on

After going through the most painful heartache I have ever experienced in my entire life I bought Emeli Sande’s album on a whelm. I probably was one of the best decisions I have made last summer. My heart was torn and I felt like ever word that was ever spoken to me were just bullets shooting me in my heart non-stop. I strongly believe this album saved me. She expresses the most beautiful ballads ever and I just thank her for her music. My body had never felt so heavy and my entire soul has never felt as if it had never existed. This album brought me back to life.

Intentional Thinking

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I am starting to think about you more then I could ever think about anything else
My mind constantly contemplates because my brain recalls memories of moments that we forever dealt
Moments that suddenly gave me emotions that I thought would never be felt
And my mind refuses to ignore emotions that are heartfelt
My heart is creating inferences, exposing facts, making decisions, and disposing all doubts that I had of you and me ever being together
And that doesn’t help
Me running from you, I know I would never be the one escaping
And my heart is aching
And all of this is because of thinking
And now my conscious decides now it wants to start speaking
Telling me that in your mind you are thinking above and beyond your heart too
And my mind is totally empty for the reason that it is making more room for me to think about you
I can fight anything, and I try to fight everything
But my heart refuses to let you go
And my heart existing without you
I could never adjust
I think about us
These feelings that I have for you are so alive, your skin they could touch
My conscious dictates to me there shall be no more denying
It’s telling me if I ignore this I will endure the pain of a lost love and I will eternally be hurting
But how could I deny you
Your always brought up in all my mental preoccupations, and this preoccupation no doubt happens to be you
Your occupying my mind more than anything else
And you always hold all of my attention
Even in simple conversations
Somehow and in someway your name has to be mentioned
But I don’t do this intentionally
Your mind grasp my own intelligence mentally
You ignite a connection that could never be broken physically
Your words, personality, and your emotions personally hugs each and every one of my feelings emotionally
And your entire being shows me that the Lord is forever blessing me
And the Lord I can’t get enough of thee
He must be telling me that we are way more than meant to be
He is making us look at everything very very thoughtfully
And I know that me & you being together is way more than a possibility
You can’t stop reflecting deeply on this subject
And neither one of our hearts could stand up in front of the Lord and object to that
We have a eternal length of chemistry
And at night we think about this intentionally
Because for some reason only in our dreams we can openly like each other in the same proximity
He is trying to get us to the point where we hit our peaks
And the truth finally kisses our cheeks
But that day could come, and the truth could leak and we could be left with love residue, and half truth streaks
So before we get to that point
Why can today be the day that one of us speaks