Love you

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I told you I love you
and I didn’t think the amount of time it took for me to tell  you
would be equivalent to the amount of time it would take for you to take yours back
and now I wish I could take it all back
keep it to myself
because you showed me how quickly your mind can change

and that makes me question
it you truly loved me in the first place
but I still find myself loving you
because I have always been incapable of reversing the truth
and then letting it slip away
I pray that this is true to you too
because the last time we were good together
you said those three words
and if i know your heart like I thought I did
in a month those words are incapable of change
you need time, but what is time
when the person I love, in the last couple weeks
is not in my life, if we love we should be by each others side
and why does needing you the most
have to be right now, when we find ourselves mentally at our worst
you should be with me
we are going to go through things
but in this time we should be working on coming out of it together
not allowing space to draw us further apart from each other.
I love you, I love you for the reason that you are so different from me
and I love you for loving me first
and doing things that I would never see myself doing, because we both know my pride will get in the way
I love you for the strength that you remind me that I have
I love you for recognizing that there is no need for me to worry
and I love you for doing things that I don’t expect, like flowers when we first met
and I love you for putting up with my annoyance
when nobody else will
and I love you for allowing me to be your black hippie
and i love you for teaching me how to love
and I love you because you listen
and I love you because u develop a lisp when you smile at me
and still try to speak
you encourage me
and I love you because when I haven’t been around you in a while

I sense how nervous you are
And I love you because neither of us can dance
and I love you because neither one us ever wants the other to take the blame
and I love you because I know truly you haven’t fell out of love with me
i love you because when I hope you would call
you just show up
and I love you because I could think of so many more reasons
why I want to tell you I love you in person
and I love you because in every moment that you are in I want to be in it with you
I can’t stand that it will come to an end
I still love you

For Better

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I said get away from me.

If you take one more step I swear….

with ever bone in my body shivering as if it’s below zero outside,

 my fists are clenching up ready to punch your lights out

I’m anger, I’m anger that I might love you

and all this you put me through does not want to hear another apology

I’m tired of feeling this way,

I’m tired of  getting sick to my stomach because I go back and forth with the idea, that I  possibly fell for you

I can’t stand the thought of you getting close to me

so close that we touch and my entire body falls weak again

so please keep away from me

rather we should not even speak

because the tone of your voice would influence the unattainable passion

that exist between us to go further

and I can’t assist this, I’m hurting and love like this should not have to feel this way

I am a crusader for love, but not a crusader to end up hurt

and loving you hurts so much I could embrace you with ever thing in my body

but doing that is like placing myself right in the way of on coming traffic

so please don’t bother making eye contact with me

pretend you are blind, and leave me behind

because the glimpse into your eyes will fool myself into thinking that this right

I want to avoid you

please stop, why are you coming close

I can feel your breath, and everything that exist in my being wants you

and you caress my back as you lean into me for a hug

is torturing me, and every word that you speak into my ears are like bullets shooting straight for my heart

and your arms are coiled around me as if they don’t plan on letting go

so please remove them off my body

my stomach twist and my heart plummets because I’m falling into you again

and I hold you responsible

so please just let go of me

walk away, and let me be the bigger human

please let me push you away,

because I want to invasion you no longer by my side

I need the truth, and I hate believing in you

so please remove your self from my presence before these tears packed in my eyes make an appearance

It hurts so much to look at you

and its damaging to know you now spend time with her

I’m wounded, so please turn away

go astray,

I’m no longer stuck on the thought of losing you

I loved but my faith in you has gone away

so please leave me be, go on

go away so all this between us can finally drift off