falling

Love you

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I told you I love you
and I didn’t think the amount of time it took for me to tell  you
would be equivalent to the amount of time it would take for you to take yours back
and now I wish I could take it all back
keep it to myself
because you showed me how quickly your mind can change

and that makes me question
it you truly loved me in the first place
but I still find myself loving you
because I have always been incapable of reversing the truth
and then letting it slip away
I pray that this is true to you too
because the last time we were good together
you said those three words
and if i know your heart like I thought I did
in a month those words are incapable of change
you need time, but what is time
when the person I love, in the last couple weeks
is not in my life, if we love we should be by each others side
and why does needing you the most
have to be right now, when we find ourselves mentally at our worst
you should be with me
we are going to go through things
but in this time we should be working on coming out of it together
not allowing space to draw us further apart from each other.
I love you, I love you for the reason that you are so different from me
and I love you for loving me first
and doing things that I would never see myself doing, because we both know my pride will get in the way
I love you for the strength that you remind me that I have
I love you for recognizing that there is no need for me to worry
and I love you for doing things that I don’t expect, like flowers when we first met
and I love you for putting up with my annoyance
when nobody else will
and I love you for allowing me to be your black hippie
and i love you for teaching me how to love
and I love you because you listen
and I love you because u develop a lisp when you smile at me
and still try to speak
you encourage me
and I love you because when I haven’t been around you in a while

I sense how nervous you are
And I love you because neither of us can dance
and I love you because neither one us ever wants the other to take the blame
and I love you because I know truly you haven’t fell out of love with me
i love you because when I hope you would call
you just show up
and I love you because I could think of so many more reasons
why I want to tell you I love you in person
and I love you because in every moment that you are in I want to be in it with you
I can’t stand that it will come to an end
I still love you

Sorriest Sorry

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Today I thought about, way more than a brief second. Probably for about 5 minutes. Those minutes were long, long enough for me to think about every song we listened to with each other, every late night we ever spent together, and ever conversation we held between  each other. I did not plan on thinking about you, it somehow entered my mind. I find no matter how hard I tried, once my mind focuses and clears, you always find a way to reappear. I thought I was over, I thought I was starting new. So I was hoping the reason for my mind hoarding thoughts about you is only because that is its way of disposing you. I haven’t had the heart of saying out loud that I am totally through. For the reason that I believe in speaking things into existence and I still have hope that our time isn’t past due. In those seconds I felt every sensation, that I shared with you, whether its soft and warm because of the way you smiled, or your hands griping my forearm, while I set a fire inside because you said this would be the last time you would ever have to apologize. So I am saying my sorriest sorry because we always discussed that we would always share our feelings for each other, but now we do not talk to one another. But I am thinking about you, All the lies you told when I only ask for your truth, and all those words you spoke to me that feel like irritated gun shot wounds. I am still thinking about you, probably way more than I should. But it’s my mind telling me that you are possibly good or possibly bad you are for me, and these feelings I have for you are just misunderstood. Time will tell but I apologize to you because I thought about you once more and you don’t know. But I have this feeling that you’re feeling something when you enter my mind. So I apologize because we always said we would tell each other out loud. I’m Sorry because your thinking about me now, I can feel it.