dream

Love you

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I told you I love you
and I didn’t think the amount of time it took for me to tell  you
would be equivalent to the amount of time it would take for you to take yours back
and now I wish I could take it all back
keep it to myself
because you showed me how quickly your mind can change

and that makes me question
it you truly loved me in the first place
but I still find myself loving you
because I have always been incapable of reversing the truth
and then letting it slip away
I pray that this is true to you too
because the last time we were good together
you said those three words
and if i know your heart like I thought I did
in a month those words are incapable of change
you need time, but what is time
when the person I love, in the last couple weeks
is not in my life, if we love we should be by each others side
and why does needing you the most
have to be right now, when we find ourselves mentally at our worst
you should be with me
we are going to go through things
but in this time we should be working on coming out of it together
not allowing space to draw us further apart from each other.
I love you, I love you for the reason that you are so different from me
and I love you for loving me first
and doing things that I would never see myself doing, because we both know my pride will get in the way
I love you for the strength that you remind me that I have
I love you for recognizing that there is no need for me to worry
and I love you for doing things that I don’t expect, like flowers when we first met
and I love you for putting up with my annoyance
when nobody else will
and I love you for allowing me to be your black hippie
and i love you for teaching me how to love
and I love you because you listen
and I love you because u develop a lisp when you smile at me
and still try to speak
you encourage me
and I love you because when I haven’t been around you in a while

I sense how nervous you are
And I love you because neither of us can dance
and I love you because neither one us ever wants the other to take the blame
and I love you because I know truly you haven’t fell out of love with me
i love you because when I hope you would call
you just show up
and I love you because I could think of so many more reasons
why I want to tell you I love you in person
and I love you because in every moment that you are in I want to be in it with you
I can’t stand that it will come to an end
I still love you

On the Trigger

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Sometimes I have this vision
of me loading all your words all into a gun
as if they were bullets
aiming at point blank range
so close, I can fell your heart beat against the muzzle
my finger on the trigger
no witness around to say I did it
so shut up
don’t say one more thing
or my finger just may build enough courage to pull it
even though I know I couldn’t shoot enough rounds
after reloading a couple times
for you to feel it
to feel the same lies
the same agony
the same shame
 the same shots you rang out
as my heart was the target and  I was the range
so please don’t say anything
because the words you speak are the reason why we are here now
with this automatic pointed at your chest
and your words bound
I have turned this pain into power now
with the ability to take life and love away
devastate your entire being in the same way you did me
find my way back in your life
just to break you down, while I watch you smile
I should let these bullets fly
while looking only into your eyes
I want you to know how it feels
to have love die inside
after thinking  you were living the best days of your life
and then falling apart after deliberately being hit by the love of your life
see you are my hearts glitch
and I’m trying to find when I fell for you like this
you are no longer my hearts power on switch
so as I lift this pistol,
this is not the time to pitch your sorriest apologies
or grab my hand to clinch
and as I aim I rather you not flinch
for the reason that this gun I drew
is still deciding whether this bullet is still for you

Thoughts of Me

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to know that you thought about me sometime today
sent the most rapid amount of chills up my spine
but not the same chills that everyone describes
but the chills that seem to escalate the rate of the blood pumping
through my body
by 100 times
which at the same time
somehow convinced my breaths to slow down
because of the excitement of me just picturing you contemplating
the moments that we have compiled,
off sets my spine until I can no longer stand for long periods of time
you constantly restore the memory of me, even though I’m gone
you allow thoughts of me to be strong
taking over your psyche
being held responsible for thoughts and feelings that in your head, that carry on
your expressing to me saying that you thought of me
is telling me these thoughts were on purpose
because you anticipate my response
because you would like to know if my thoughts also consisted of you on purpose
you deliberately allowed thoughts of me to influence your smile
and I can’t help but deliberately appreciate
the act of you quietly soothing your world of noise
by lending the memory of me to your mind
when apart that proves you still focus on a “us”
because thoughts lead to beliefs
and thoughts have natural and physical power
and if we commit ourselves to those same thoughts of me that made you smile
we can eventually live a real life together

fluid thoughts

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Nobody in the the world but you
the overwhelming anticipation building up inside of me
Because when that day comes I cannot wait to repeat those same words to you

Fluid Writing: Chance

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Looking up
wishing on some stars
Wondering if you are waiting up tonight
In deep contemplation with yourself because you also have a lot on your mind, like I do
My dreaming has gone bad and my rest has gotten uncomfortable
And I find that there is nothing else to be about,
only to wish on something that could never physically meet with me
For the reason that everything or anyone I have some connection with
Eventually goes away
And if this star is capable of receiving what my being desires
Then there is no way I want to get too close and tamper with it
because I want there to be at least a
Mustard seed of a chance that
we could possibly be

Confession

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I want to be what makes you honest.

Dream

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dream missed

 
That dream last night awaken me from my sleep
hoping that dream was actually truth
It felt so real and it sounded like you
and I couldn’t help but feel you does it have any meaning
did you dream of me like I did of you
did you feel for me like I feel for you
I miss you