chance

Love you

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I told you I love you
and I didn’t think the amount of time it took for me to tell  you
would be equivalent to the amount of time it would take for you to take yours back
and now I wish I could take it all back
keep it to myself
because you showed me how quickly your mind can change

and that makes me question
it you truly loved me in the first place
but I still find myself loving you
because I have always been incapable of reversing the truth
and then letting it slip away
I pray that this is true to you too
because the last time we were good together
you said those three words
and if i know your heart like I thought I did
in a month those words are incapable of change
you need time, but what is time
when the person I love, in the last couple weeks
is not in my life, if we love we should be by each others side
and why does needing you the most
have to be right now, when we find ourselves mentally at our worst
you should be with me
we are going to go through things
but in this time we should be working on coming out of it together
not allowing space to draw us further apart from each other.
I love you, I love you for the reason that you are so different from me
and I love you for loving me first
and doing things that I would never see myself doing, because we both know my pride will get in the way
I love you for the strength that you remind me that I have
I love you for recognizing that there is no need for me to worry
and I love you for doing things that I don’t expect, like flowers when we first met
and I love you for putting up with my annoyance
when nobody else will
and I love you for allowing me to be your black hippie
and i love you for teaching me how to love
and I love you because you listen
and I love you because u develop a lisp when you smile at me
and still try to speak
you encourage me
and I love you because when I haven’t been around you in a while

I sense how nervous you are
And I love you because neither of us can dance
and I love you because neither one us ever wants the other to take the blame
and I love you because I know truly you haven’t fell out of love with me
i love you because when I hope you would call
you just show up
and I love you because I could think of so many more reasons
why I want to tell you I love you in person
and I love you because in every moment that you are in I want to be in it with you
I can’t stand that it will come to an end
I still love you

Behind

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There is a lot to say

without even making the smallest sound

I am a relationship and still can’t find myself wearing

a full heart-ed smile

our conversations are personal, never a feeling for either of us to lie

and when I am with you

and it’s time for you to leave, I want you to stay for a longer  while

but I am losing track of our time

and I’m hiding inside of my own self,

seeking to only find myself being lonely inside

Maybe you are lost too

and maybe your loneliest can’t find me

but I’m standing right in the open and I am starting to think 

you don’t really want to seek me

Maybe you might be more than what I need

and maybe we did this too soon

we could be crashing our own love down

and maybe I just don’t know what to do with the love that you gave me

and maybe this union was something I did to

see if you could just save me

but I can’t see myself letting you go

we understand each other and on the outside we look perfect

but there is something here that’s not right

that’t not fair

but I cant stop myself from looking into those

eyes that tell me we’re fine

but I find myself behind

and I know you are saying “I oughta know by now”

because  you wanted  you to be mine

but I don’t

and I want to know that your heart will be promised

and your truth will be contagious

I want to know by now that I do not have to worry

and I want to now by now that I do not have to think about anymore “maybes”

And I want to know that you and I can have the most to say over any sound

and I just don’t want to wear a smile, rather I want you to feel it when your not around

and I ought to hear you over my music

and there is a reason our different worlds clicked

we are together and I want to be able to exist with you 

and I don’t want to feel alone when I have you

something is missing from us

and because you first found me,

I am determined to find it

Fluid Writing: Chance

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Looking up
wishing on some stars
Wondering if you are waiting up tonight
In deep contemplation with yourself because you also have a lot on your mind, like I do
My dreaming has gone bad and my rest has gotten uncomfortable
And I find that there is nothing else to be about,
only to wish on something that could never physically meet with me
For the reason that everything or anyone I have some connection with
Eventually goes away
And if this star is capable of receiving what my being desires
Then there is no way I want to get too close and tamper with it
because I want there to be at least a
Mustard seed of a chance that
we could possibly be

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-I was designed to love you more than I ever thought was possible.